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"Mom Can’t
Talk with Me" — Dealing With a Loss of Communication
Skills
Medical problems (strokes and other causes of damage to the
brain) can shut down a person’s ability to speak and write.
If a family member or friend has lost the ability to speak
and write, what’s to be done?
Consider the position of this daughter (we’ll call her Nancy)
whose mother has had a stroke:
"Mom read to me when I was a child. We talked about
everything. Mom’s had a stroke. She can’t speak, and can’t
write. I can’t tell what Mom is thinking, but I know she’s
frustrated. I hate seeing her like this."
What should Nancy do?
The first thing for Nancy to do is to get help. She should
contact the doctor, and request that an evaluation be done
by a qualified speech-language pathologist (a therapist, professional
trained in helping people get back language skills and learn
other ways to communicate). In most cases, Medicare or other
insurance will pay for the evaluation and some amount of therapy.
Nancy should be present for the evaluation, if at all possible.
The evaluation will help determine what therapy is available
and advisable, and help to develop a plan and schedule. Nancy
can be an advocate for her Mom. She will be able to share
her observations concerning her Mom. She should ask the therapist
about using specific testing to learn which areas of the brain
have been impacted, and what treatments are possible.
Nancy can also work with the therapist to:
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Find
a way for her Mom to communicate "yes" and "no"
answers. |
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Check
that her Mom’s answers show true understanding on her
part. |
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Find
new ways to send and receive messages (drawings, pointing
and other gestures, picture cards, communication boards,
computer systems, etc.). |
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Learn
ways that Nancy and others can work with her Mom, independent
of the therapist. |
When speaking to her Mom, Nancy needs to make sure that her
Mom understands Nancy’s message. The stroke may have impacted
her Mom’s ability to recognize or understand the meaning of
words. When speaking to her Mom, Nancy should:
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Remove
background noise and distractions, |
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Move
her lips, and keep them visible to her Mom, |
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Use
a normal voice, and speak slowly and distinctly, |
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Use
simple words, and use simple questions (where a "yes"
or "no" answer will work). |
Nancy should acknowledge the frustration (Mom’s and hers),
and try not to let it get in the way of communicating. She
also needs to show her support, treat her Mom as an adult,
and try to be patient and calm. Being patient and calm will
also help Nancy pick up the messages her Mom is sending.
Adjustments are needed. Past patterns and expectations don’t
work now. Nancy’s Mom needs extra help. So does Nancy. She
is dealing with difficult stresses, and should find support
for herself, through family, friends and caregiver support
groups.
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